On belonging and Love
Hi everyone, today I’d like to talk about boosting your child’s sense of belonging and being loved. This is another way to recharge his or her battery and strengthen their self-image. When a kid feels loved and knows they belong, that generates inner thoughts like: "If they love me, then there must be something good in me; if they want me to be part of the family, I must be important - this is a sign that I can also love myself”
What can you do today to generate that
Use every opportunity to express love - tell them how much you love them, hug them, kiss them, surprise them with small gifts, pay them attention and make small gestures (help them out, give them a day off from chores etc...)
Actively listen to your child and show genuine interest - remember, you are responsible for creating a channel of communication with your child. When you listen to your child’s daily experiences and pay attention in small, “unimportant” conversations, they feel secure and comfortable to share the major things as well.
Set aside personal time to spend together. This should be a fixed time in your weekly schedule for a personal meeting - for the two of you only. Let your child choose what to do during this time, and take the advantage of it to strengthen your connection - share your feelings, give encouragement, and have a nice time together. Treat this meeting as the most important time of the week, don’t use your phone for conversations or texting during this time. Give your child a sense of dignity and importance.
Pay a lot of attention to his or her feelings - respect their emotions and desires. For example: If a child says he's warm, don’t insist on a jacket, we do not always feel the same. Let him learn from experience. If it’s cold, next time he will take a jacket by himself. The same goes when a child says a particular dish is not tasty, if a child says something hurts, if she’s feeling sad, etc.
Example for an ineffective response - "Oh, why are you making such a big deal out of it, it's just nonsense!"
A productive response would be - "I see it’s difficult for you... What do you think can help you feel better?"
Share your feelings and experiences with your child - remember that you are a role model to them. If you share your feelings and your daily experiences with your kids, they will learn to do the same.
Give sincere and genuine compliments that come from the heart - admire your child! Tell them how proud you are, tell other family members and friends about their successes in their presence. Be careful not to focus on achievements, but rather on the effort - "you made the effort and you made it!", "I love seeing how well you're doing homework by yourself! Well Done!"
If you have any questions, you’re welcome to contact me.
We’re here to answer your questions and help you with your dilemmas.